Selfish Objections

One of the main objectives of the twelve step way of life is eliminating selfishness. This is also a major point of contention for many people I speak with. They say I'm advocating self-neglect, co-dependency or "losing oneself in doing for others". That's certainly not what the Big Book is talking about.

I think that most of the objections arise through an insufficient definition of the word selfish.

Merriam-Webster defines selfish this way: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

Being excessively concerned with yourself is harmful isn't it? Excessive anything is usually harmful. Who would argue that being interested exclusively in yourself is harmful, if not abusive - especially to children, wives, etc.?

And here's perhaps the best way of determining if you're selfish: do you care if others are hurt or neglected by your self-interest and self-serving actions?

I lived my life without regard for others. Before even taking a day off from people and phones to celebrate life and recharge my batteries, I now find myself thinking through how my absence will affect others. My life is now lived on a different basis.

That doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself. I certainly do - and more than I ever have in my life. If it really is my job to be the "good Samaritan" every day, I need enough resources to do it. I can't neglect myself. Whenever I do, I become as ineffective as when I was primarily interested in myself.

The Big Book says that it's now my job to be of maximum usefulness to others - that can only happen when I'm truly caring for myself.

Time: Then and Now (part two)

Six weeks after Time: Then and Now, I found that it's so easy to revert to previous attitudes and actions.

Applying the twelve steps to my personal productivity provides a sense of ease and peace; my entire day is purposeful; things don't go undone. It's the twelfth step in action - the way we're supposed to live.

As the Big Book tells us, it's easy to let up on this spritual program of action and rest on our laurels. In terms of personal productivity, that's exactly what I'd been doing since mid-November. I was busy, even productive, but I did not have the ability to relax and take it easy as the Big Book instructs us.

These last weeks, I've come back around to it. I'm learning how important it is to emotional sobriety to apply the twelve steps even in the most mundane, everyday tasks.