God's Agent

The only kind of agent I ever wanted to be was a secret agent. I'd like to think I got over that at nine years old, but I didn't - not really. The truth is, I lived my life as a secret agent for the "cult of me" - a post for another day.

"This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. ¶When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed."

I'm growing in awareness concerning this central fact of my life: When I turned my will and life over to the care of God, I became His agent. Today, I can no longer live for my own personal ambitions. I can no longer seek the spotlight or the moneybin.

So many events in my life might (more logically) have ended in death, I can clearly see that some Divine hand was protecting. Not so I could spend my spared life on selfish pleasures that I would never have had, but so that I can now live according to God's plans. Whether I refill someone's coffee or spend three hours helping someone close to suicide. I live in service as God's agent.

That said, my world doesn't fully represent that. I selfishly horde too much stuff. I spend money selfishly on fast food, movies and other pleasures that aren't within God's direct leading. In fact, the leading is often the direct opposite. God give me the willingness to be willing to change.

I continue to grow in awareness to my purpose and mission. That's a change in itself. And I feel that I am growing in understanding and effectiveness. I shouldn't give a moment to despair.

Over-Serious Anonymous

1. We admitted that we were powerless over seriousness -- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that only by lightening up could we achieve a state of non-seriousness.

3. Made a decision to turn our constant self-criticism over to our sense of humor and learn to "lovingly and wholeheartedly" laugh at ourselves.

4. Decided to give ourselves a break once in a while, instead of constantly doing searching and fearless moral inventories of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being that our wrongs were often in our heads.

6. Were entirely ready to accept that our characters were as good as anybody else's and possibly better than most.

7. Quit harping on our shortcomings.

8. Made of list of all persons we thought we had harmed and saw that they'd forgotten all the crap we'd blown out of proportion.

9. Quit making amends for breathing air and taking up a few square feet of the planet's surface.

10. Resigned ourselves to the fact we were going to criticize ourselves at times, but would try to stick to our guns when we knew we were right.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to calm down and realize we're not responsible for everything.

12. Having experienced immense relief from these steps, we would try to carry this message to other over-serious people and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

Author unknown. Shared tongue-in-cheek. Don't take this too seriously ...er.

A Tale of Two Houses

The other night I was watching a documentary on this summer's hurricanes. One man described the terror he experienced as Ivan stormed against his house. He thought he wasn't going to make it through the night. By some miracle he made it.

Another man, seeing that he lived in a hurricane-prone area, had built a hurricane-proof house. Instead of living through the storm in terror, the man was secure and serene inside his house. He had video of what it was like inside the house during the storm. The power was out and he was using a flashlight to put a pail down to catch a small leak.

The next day, all of the other houses were unlivable. The man who lived the night in terror resolutely worked at putting everything back together again. The man who spent the night in his hurricane-proof house, went for a long walk - moved by the devastation. He could help others, but who? Thousands of houses were devastated. Perhaps his time is best spent showing others his house and helping to build hurricane-proof houses of their own.

The Pathway to Peace

This passed week has brought the theme of "accepting hardships as the pathway to peace". There was an unusual concentration of information about pruning, spiritual disciplines and the like in my spiritual readings. Today's meditation in "Daily Reflections" echoed this topic again.

This theme was especially appropriate during my sickness this weekend. I don't understand how pain and hardship help us any more than an apple tree knows why it's branches are cut back. In the midst of the chills, the sweats, the aching muscles, I renewed my request that my God be my spouse until He might lead someone else to fill that role. I needed the comfort.

I am comforted still.

But-watching

I watch buts carefully. The word but often points to the most weighted part of a sentence:

I started eating the peach, but it was moldy.
I want to live on a spiritual basis, but I'm starting to think God is against me.

But-watching is a handy tool whether paying attention to your own words or the words of someone you're working with.

But-making: Try adding a "but" clause to the end of any sentence. "I like jogging." becomes "I like jogging, but not first thing in the morning." "I am focused on the seventh step today." becomes "I am focused on the seventh step today, but..."

Try to fill it in: "I want to go to that movie, but..." "My daughter is old enough to date, but..." "I don't take calls at 2am, but..."

My own experience is that I start exposing resentment, fear, dishonesty and selfishness. What do you come up with?

First of All

It's best to begin a new blog with some basic information about what I think about things. Mostly just to set the record straight.

When it comes to 12 step recovery, there is one standard I live by, the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous. After that, please follow whatever literature your program offers. Next, do what your sponsor says.

(If you don't have a sponsor, get one. If you don't have anyone in your area who can sponsor you, write me and I'll do my best to get you hooked up.)

Then, after you have those things in place and you are already living on a spiritual basis, it should be ok to read whatever other 12 step literature available. Not all of it is good. Not all of it is based on the "Big Book" - which I don't understand, but I got over it a while ago.

My writings are not the final word on anything. In fact, you might disagree with some things completely. You might have a Big Book passage ready to beat me with. That's fine. Feel free to write. I'll write back if you're polite and patient. I might even change my mind on the matter. I might not.

Thank you for your interest and support.