I Remembered My Password

I've been locked out of this blog and my email account for years because I forgot my password. No, I didn't have access to the backup email or phone number.

Out of the blue the other day, I remembered the password. So here I am more than five years later, ready to blog again and cleaning up an email inbox with over 1,100 new emails. Five years worth, including people wondering why I wasn't replying. Sorry about that.

Stealing Light From Tomorrow

A couple weeks ago, I read ahead a couple days in Daily Reflections (the only official AA daily reader). The next morning, I remembered that I had already read that day's selection. So I skipped it.

There was so much I wanted to do that day, I also skipped my daily quiet time. I prayed here and there, but took absolutely no time to seek God's direction for my day - the essence of twelve step life.

The day went OK, but mid-afternoon I had a moment of passive-aggressive retaliation in a situation I usually navigate without thinking about it. I went to a meeting a few hours later, feeling terrible for my attitude and not feeling very good about myself. The self-pity in which I was indulging further revealed my spiritual condition.

Turns out, the topic was read from Daily Reflections and I had been living the topic all day. Since I wouldn't read it, I guess I had to get the lesson anyway.

After the meeting, I was talking about my day with a man who said that I should be careful about "stealing light from tomorrow" (or something like that). That line has stayed with me since and I'm beginning to see the wisdom in it.

There's more to it than can be shared in a few paragraphs, but it has worked enough open-mindedness to show that I am seeking spiritual strength for tomorrow. Despite my insistence that we live one day at a time and can't depend on yesterday's spiritual life, I am trying to save up for tomorrow. Manna doesn't keep; it's a mother's milk for today's needs.

Just enough light for this part of the path, that's all I need and all I should ask for: the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out.

In The Early Days

I'm often told that in the early days of recovery people need to focus on themselves. Go to meetings, find a sponsor, read the Big Book. These are good things to do, but that's not all!

Bill did none of these in his early days of recovery. Bob didn't do these things either, aside from co-sponsorship with Bill (meaning they sponsored each other). How did they stay sober in the early days of their recovery, when they didn't have even a week sober? They worked intensively with other alcoholics.

The great secret of how they stayed sober comes back to this:

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." - Page 89, Alcoholics Anonymous

Yes, a spiritual awakening was necessary, but most of their experiences developed "slowly over a period of time" (Appendix II). Waiting around for the "miracle to happen" wasn't an option for them if they wanted to stay sober. They had to engage in "strenuous", "intensive" work with other alcoholics.

"It is much more than a sense of duty, however, which provides the requisite driving power and harmony so necessary for success. One powerful factor is that of self-preservation. These ex-alcoholics frequently find that unless they spend time helping others to health they cannot stay sober themselves. Strenuous, almost sacrificial work for other sufferers is often imperative in the early days of their recovery. This effort proceeds entirely on a good will basis. It is an avocation." - Dr. Silkworth (who wrote an entire section of the Big Book called "The Doctor's Opinion")

If not for working intensely with others, I'd not be sober today. If you're waiting around for someone to ask you to sponsor them, you're missing the point. There are endless people to work with if you seek them out. Start with your local intergroup. If you don't have a local intergroup, write me and I'll put you in touch with someone in your fellowship who will help you along.

Faith

In my experience, people who begin this way of life with an existing faith have more trouble than those who have only a willingness to acquire faith. A person without faith needs only to become willing to believe. A person with faith needs to become willing to abandon his prior faith before he can proceed.

Another observation I've made is that these 'people of faith' will often stumble on step one because of their faith. "I must... I'm required to... God won't love me if...". They believe they've got to live up to some level of perfection in order for God to help them.

I don't have more faith than I did before sobriety. In fact, I have less than ever before. The faith I do have is a different kind.

I used to believe all sorts of things about God. I had faith he would do all sorts of things.

Today, I trust he'll do with me what he wants. I believe he'll keep me in fit spiritual condition if I continue to seek him.

Selfish Objections

One of the main objectives of the twelve step way of life is eliminating selfishness. This is also a major point of contention for many people I speak with. They say I'm advocating self-neglect, co-dependency or "losing oneself in doing for others". That's certainly not what the Big Book is talking about.

I think that most of the objections arise through an insufficient definition of the word selfish.

Merriam-Webster defines selfish this way: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

Being excessively concerned with yourself is harmful isn't it? Excessive anything is usually harmful. Who would argue that being interested exclusively in yourself is harmful, if not abusive - especially to children, wives, etc.?

And here's perhaps the best way of determining if you're selfish: do you care if others are hurt or neglected by your self-interest and self-serving actions?

I lived my life without regard for others. Before even taking a day off from people and phones to celebrate life and recharge my batteries, I now find myself thinking through how my absence will affect others. My life is now lived on a different basis.

That doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself. I certainly do - and more than I ever have in my life. If it really is my job to be the "good Samaritan" every day, I need enough resources to do it. I can't neglect myself. Whenever I do, I become as ineffective as when I was primarily interested in myself.

The Big Book says that it's now my job to be of maximum usefulness to others - that can only happen when I'm truly caring for myself.